수요일, 3월 23, 2005
DEcision.
I finally decided on something. I considered. I wondered. I pondered. The impossible means the impossible. I shld jus leave it alone. Why shld i go agst heaven's will and attempt to do something that holds no future? There is simply not enuf reason why i shld do that. To even think about it in the first place now strikes a terrifying chord in me. But pple, do not ask me what im saying. Theres only one other person in this whole wide world who knows about it. N i know she will keep it to herself, jus like im goin to keep this secret to my grave. Yeah, bury this once and forever. Then there will be no more problems in my world. My own encapsulated, cushioned, detached world that truly belongs to me. N me alone. Nah, it has nth to do with the previous issue. Thats history already. Another page in my diary of memories. It's gettin full. Bursting at e sides even, my diary i mean. Sometimes, ignorance can be a bliss. N knowing too much only serves to bring more agony. From now on, i will strive to be ignorant. If that is the only way i can be happy, so be it. I have no complaints watsoever. REally. After all, i had always wanted to be a happy child. Its raining now. Dark moody skies. Soul-wrenching music playing. All alone at home. Atmosphere screaming out for a good cry. But nah i wun cry. Why shld i. Its dumb. I grew out of tt since a long time ago. N im not that depressed n down in the dumps to be doin dumb things now. Can anyone rem all the memories he/she once had in their entire life?why is the brain not designed to do tt? I suddenly feel curious. Pple often say that its only bad memories that always fail to go away. Good memories, on the other hand, seeps thru the nuclear pores of ur nuclear membrane, passes via tiny neurotransmitters into the part of ur gray matter tt has a large signage saying 'TRASH", all before u can say to it that 'yes i dO wan those memories'. Now, why is that so? A fren told me, go n bathe n have a sleep, u will feel better after that. I beg to differ. Cos i see no difference myself. After waking, the bad memories are still impregnated in ur mind, nodding their tiny heads n waving their minute hands at u furiously, seekin to be not forgotten while u doze away. Their existence till now remains a mystery. But still, i guess i will still sleep after all. Tired. N a hope with the size of a nanomolecule that it will work after all n *tada*, my bad memories are mysteriously gone when i wake again. Can i be sleeping beauty in my next life? I think her life's cool. Imagine not having to consume food for years n still stayin as beautiful as ever when she finally comes out of her coma, erm i mean eternal sleep. N she's not even a vampire! Cool...( does all the lects abt blood glucose apply here? U noe in period of constant starvation, lipolysis occurs n triacylglcerides are mobilised, ketone bodies utilised by the brain blah blah blah..hmm den doesnt mean princess aurora shld be a stick-like figure when she wakes up?)
또 울어버렸다.. @ 4:19 PM
일요일, 3월 20, 2005
Happy once again..
Today's entry is finally going to be a more lighthearted one. Thanks zw, if u r reading this. Reallie. I know its part of my character to keep to myself. Been lydat for as long as i can rem i guess. Just felt that somehow i did not believe that opening up to people can actually lighten ur burden, n make u feel like u r not jus alone in this world. Being the lonely, desolate soul in this world is pretty sad aint it. So i jus wanna give zw a hug. *huGs*!!
또 울어버렸다.. @ 1:02 PM
토요일, 3월 19, 2005
Enuff' said
Okok i think enuff said abt this matter already. Even though up til now i dunno if i did e right thing of telling her in the first place. Does she blame me for breakin it to her? I dunno, n i dun dare to ask. But what's done has already been done and there's no use crying over spilt milk. Sun still rises and sets each day, n the world wun stop spinning just cos of somebdy. Life goes on as usual, and it seems as if nothing unusual has happened. Heaven's greatest joke huh. But all the same, i hope she will get over it soon enuf. He's jus but a guy. N to the guy, i mus extend my apologies. I know u were supposed to tell her urself. But as fate will have it, everythin took a fast turn and...... Sorry. Really.Think i m real bad at listening to pple n consoling them. Lucky i neva took up psychology cos i think i can neva make it as a counsellor in this lifetime...Ahhh...i need a crash course man. I keep seeing things based on my view, n not on other pple's perspectives. If i offended any of my frens before while giving them lousy advice, i sincerely bow n ask for forgiveness. Any takers? Think i shld start a survey on 'who thinks weebee is a lousy fren: hands up'. Nah, its a rhetorical question. Pls kindly do not email me (Note email add: crimsonbell@hotmail.com, u0301613@nus.edu.sg, skies_angel@yahoo.com) after u read this to tell me that u r all for the survey. Heh, how come i sound like my stats lecturer now. Yeah, angelina i agree w u. He's cute. Haha. Not in tt sense k. But stats is still a horrible mod. N im yet to take back my first test! 02 is a goner liao. But fortunately, 01 is still largely manageable. Sigh gotta go back to my webcasts liao. They r such a bothersome lot. Blweah.
또 울어버렸다.. @ 10:22 AM
금요일, 3월 18, 2005
S.I.A.N
Im blogging more frequently than i shld have been today. Its all wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Everything is not fallin into their designated places as they shld have did. Why? Why issit that sometimes no matter how hard u try, nothing jus seems right? I know perfectly well that im in no position to be complaining. She's the one who will come out of this whole thing hurt, not me. And i dowan to see that. I really dun. She has been my good friend in the past, present n always will be in the future. But now, im so scared that i will lose her to some stupid guy. Ok fine i know im being mean to the guy and he is my friend also but still...i just cun accept that our friendship might be destroyed at the hands of a guy.
I finally did e unthinkable. I told her. N now im damned pissed off at the guy. Can avoiding be even considered as a way to solve problems? He refuses to go online n he even switches off his hp. He better give me a good reason why he did that. Cos im getting fed up now.
또 울어버렸다.. @ 8:54 PM
Complexities
Hmm, where should i start from? Everything seems so topsy turvy recently im gettin pretty confused myself. Sigh. The world is complex. The mind is complex. Relationships are complex. N im not even half talking about myself but pple around me. Suddenly feel like Aunt Aggie. U noe the columnist who dishes out crappy advice to lovelorn souls? Yeah, im reprising that role now. But it feels bad when you noe u are part of what caused the confusion. But oh well, i do hope everything is back to normal now. At least, it does looks like it on the surface. N i sincerely ,frankly, honestly, truly, really, from the bottom of my heart hope that everybody will come out of the situation unscathed n unscarred. Emotionally. Please do.
또 울어버렸다.. @ 8:48 AM